i would punch a child for taco bell
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Shame - the story of my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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