Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
