just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
