Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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