Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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