She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So vagazzling was a success
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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