you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
