I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just gargled with NyQuil
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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