I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
