Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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