Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
