thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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