in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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