FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
