the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
