so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize