does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
