We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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