My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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