Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
