I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
