my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
