Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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