I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize