sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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