Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
