Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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