apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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