i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
