my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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