Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
