I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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