My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
