She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
