my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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