So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
