My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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