Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
