The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
