Don't make out with my wife yet
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
