Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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