She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
