if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize