we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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