it wasn't lemon gatorade
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
