Non-Jews are for practice
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So. Much. Porn.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
