I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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