so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
