my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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