We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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