So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
