Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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