I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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