You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
