why didn't you poke me back
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
