I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
