he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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