I just saw a hot homeless man
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
