I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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