broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
