And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
