Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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