Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i out mim tonsoeep
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