Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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