the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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