four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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