and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize