ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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