If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
