yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
