Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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