whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
