I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
