Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
