Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
